How to handle conflict in the workplace
Q: I'm one of a number
of students working at a bank for the summer. One of our
co-workers criticizes us to other co-workers, saying we don't do
our work. This isn't true, and even if it was, she only works
two days a week, so how would she know? I can't concentrate on
my work when she's there because I'm afraid I'm doing something
wrong that I don't realize. What can I do?
A: Handling conflict is
just like juggling knives: one wrong move and someone will get
hurt. But with some practise and know-how, you can make it look
easy. The first thing to remember is not to take it personally.
Your coworker's comments may be caused by a computer crash or
because they didn't get their morning coffee. It usually isn't
about you; when it is, it doesn't detract from your value as a
person.
Secondly, take the constructive out of the criticism. Your
coworker may not be phrasing her complaint in the most helpful
way, but there could be a valid point in her view. Perhaps the
student workers are more vocally social while accomplishing job
tasks, which could give her the impression you are not working
as you should be. Stop playing defence and recognize where she
may be coming from, and use that recognition to improve.
If you truly feel she has no basis for her comments, or if the
conflict continues, speak to the individual directly at an
appropriate time. As it can be difficult to broach the subject,
planning your course of action beforehand and role-playing with
a friend can help prepare you to deal with the situation.
It is important to remain calm while sorting through the issue.
If you feel frustration overwhelming you, take a few deep
breaths; if that is insufficient, excuse yourself with a phrase
like "I need a moment to gather my thoughts" and return when you
feel ready to continue the discussion.
When addressing the conflict, use statements such as "I feel
upset" rather than "You make me upset" and give specifics, where
possible. This phrasing places responsibility for your reaction
with you and helps focus on the problem more than the
personalities.
Generally, aggressive personalities contribute to conflict by
intimidating colleagues, while passive- aggressive personalities
often create resentment and confusion because they retaliate
against coworkers indirectly. However, conflict can have
positive effects when handled in an assertive, understanding
manner.
By keeping an open mind and really listening to the other
person's point of view, you are being proactive and assertive in
conflict resolution.
Try paraphrasing what your coworker says to make sure you
understand them correctly, and develop a concrete solution, with
a timeline for following up, if necessary.
If you cannot resolve the conflict with the individual directly,
speak privately to your supervisor, who may act as a mediator to
bring a resolution that meets everyone's needs.
Do not make the conflict a regular subject for discussion among
colleagues, as that will likely worsen the situation.
If all else fails, remember you can always leave (as long as it
isn't in a huff) and find another job.
Creating
boundaries: sexual harassment in the workplace
Q: I enjoy my job;
however, a senior co-worker's attention makes me uncomfortable.
He repeatedly asks me out, though I told him I'm not interested.
Recently, he's begun complimenting my appearance and touching
me, like putting a hand to my waist or squeezing my shoulders
from behind. I want him to stop, but don't want to cause
problems in my workplace. Am I overreacting? What can I do?
A: You are not
overreacting. Repeated requests for dates, comments on
appearance (whether complimentary or not) and unwelcome physical
contact are all considered sexual harassment by the Canadian
Human Rights Commission (CHRC). You, along with every other
person working in Canada, have the right to a work environment
free from sexual pressure and harassment.
Though you clearly refused his requests, your colleague may
believe he can convince you over time. This does not excuse his
behaviour, nor mean he should be allowed to continue. However,
declaring your increasing discomfort with his actions may make
him back off. If you are not comfortable raising the topic with
the individual alone, find a third party to accompany you. This
also provides a witness to the conversation, meaning he cannot
claim he was unaware of your discomfort.
If the behaviour continues and your workplace has an
anti-harassment policy, follow the procedure outlined there. If
your workplace doesn't have one, consider requesting its
development. Anti-harassment policies and training create a more
positive and productive workplace, and are active attempts to
address the issue, making the employer less liable for
employees' actions. You may want to mention these selling points
if your employer seems reluctant.
If there is no policy, inform your supervisor; if the harasser
is your supervisor, inform their supervisor. If you have a
union, check into using their grievance policies.
As unwanted physical contact can be considered assault, you may
want to contact the police, particularly if your co-worker
escalates his harassment.
You can also file a human rights complaint within six months to
a year, depending on the jurisdiction. The CHRC covers employees
of the federal government, telecommunications companies, banks,
radio stations, and the Canadian Broadcasting Company; other
employees are covered by provincial human rights boards. These
boards can compel organizations to deal with the issue through
policy and training, as well as reward compensation for losses
and mental anguish.
No matter what avenue you use, keep a journal with dates, what
was said and done, how it affected you, and any witnesses. This
documentation can serve as evidence against the harasser. Other
actions to watch for include sexual or sexist comments
(including jokes), whistles and catcalls, leering, comments
about sexual orientation or stereotypical gender roles and
threats or intimidation (verbal or physical).
Find someone who can listen to you and support you, whether a
counsellor or a trusted friend. Employee Assistance Programs,
offered as part of some employee benefit packages, provide
access to counselling on the company's dime without the company
knowing who makes use of the service. Sexual assault centres
will also have experts who can help you and are only a call
away.